Pay close attention to what people say to you in a moment of anger, as they have been dying to tell you that information.
Have you ever blurted out something that you have been holding back in a moment of anger?
Almost everyone has.
The human is capable of repressing feelings of almost all kinds until there is a moment of spontaneous release, which is in many cases, instigated in a moment of anger.
At a heated confrontation, when tempers are flaring and negative exchanges are traveling in a flurry, it is most common for things to be said, that might never have been said, nor perhaps, should they have.
When we feel as if we have hit the moment of reality in which the negative variables have peaked and the irritation components are escalating, we lose part of the control that has repressed these feelings, and in the blink of an eye, our entire lives may change forever.
Once something has been said, it can never be unsaid. It may be ultimately forgiven, but as for it being forgotten, that is far less likely in the foreseeable future.
When another person says something about us that is negative, derogatory, inflammatory or just plain mean, we register that information and house it in a place in our mind where the wounds are far less likely to heal. It may roll around in our subconscious, leaving its pain readily available for moments in our lives to trigger it out of nowhere and empower it to hurt us repeatedly without respite.
Understanding that even your closest allies are likely to hurt you in one way or another, empowers us to toughen up a bit, and allow for the fact that negative perspectives are just part of the landscape upon which we traverse, working our own unique courses of action to our successes.
This knowledge enables us to mature by promoting a tough outer skin, that presumably is capable of weathering that which others so readily wish to drop on us, especially in a moment of anger.
The perspective that helps most get through such a tough moment, is actually quite simple. If we are able to find an objective third party perspective within which to view and consider that which has been said to us, we might discover a greater cause that was the impetus for that person having shared such a detail with us. They may be saying these things because they are jealous of us for one of a hundred reasons. Or perhaps they are hurting deep within, and by being mean to us, subconsciously they are trying to take us down into the place of pain in which they are living, so they do not feel so small in comparison.
Regardless of how we are training ourselves to rebound from such a moment, it is still very important to recognize that something of that magnitude has been brewing under the surface in their minds for mostly likely, quite some time.
Independent of how we work on a personal level, to diminish the pain and impact of their statement, it is equally important to recognize that the other party has been withholding that information and in the moment of tension, has released it. There may prove to be truth in what they have shared with us, and if we were most wise, we would take a separate moment to sort through the validity of what they have said, and explore internally, or with them directly, the validity of what they have shared, why they have shared it, and work internally to mature and evolve as a direct result.
Happy Tuesday!
Brian Weiner 