Don’t ask why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself why are you continuing to allow them to do so.

Don’t ask why people keep hurting you. Ask yourself why are you continuing to allow them to do so.

The victim cycle is perpetual. 

Until you decide to exit the arena.

Many people find themselves in less than desirable circumstances, continuously feeling victimized and abused by others. And yet they remain. Allowing for a percentage who are incapable, for a host of physical, mental or financial circumstances, of extricating themselves from said abuse, the remainder continue to allow others to antagonize them for a host of reasons.

Why do they continue to allow this to happen?

In many circumstances, this perpetuates because the victim is not emotionally, mentally or physically strong enough to undo the variables that have enabled the other party to act in such a manner. In other cases, the victim becomes so accustomed to being a victim, they are actually comfortable in the role and assume that dynamic as being a state of normalcy. 

No one should be a victim. And if they become one, it should be a personal mandate to undo that situation as quickly as possible in order that they may get their life back on equal footing and navigate their way into a brighter and kinder future.

The truth is that no one enjoys listening to another person complain. It is a courtesy we willingly (or unwillingly) extend to others. But when the truth is real and exposed, I would wager that the percentage of people who enjoy listening to another person gripe about anything is almost nonexistent. So when a victim comes to the stage of needing to vent to a third party, they are further perpetuating the abuse they are enduring, by burdening another person with their complaints, in order that they may rid themselves of some of the angst that they, themselves are weathering.

In my time counseling friends and clients about issues that they are enduring, it has been my experience that a majority of them are far more likely to extricate themselves from whatever problem happens to be cornering them by starting with the simple step of just acknowledging the fact that they are actually in that circumstance. It is surprising to me that so many of these dynamics do not get perceived as being victimized by the victim because of blatant rationalizations that the victim, themselves, have crafted in order to cope with the circumstances at hand.

Once a neutral third party has counseled them and empowered them to not only see the situation for what it truly is, but also assisted them in opting for opportunities that would elevate them out of the core problem and transport them into new and safer terrain, a majority of the victim scenarios disappear. In many cases, instantly. 

If any of this resonates with you as being something you can relate to from the victim’s perspective… stop allowing this to happen to you. You do not deserve it and you do not have to continue to allow it to perpetuate. Instead, take a top view down perspective, and explore the options you have at your disposal to remedy your situation right away. Life is far too short to spend any of it as a permanent victim. We all become victims at some point or another. The distinguishing variable that separates the herd are the ones who fall victim and remedy the situation right away vs. the ones who become victims and continue to allow it to transpire.

Stand up for yourself. It makes all the difference in the world.

Happy Monday!

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Written by Brian Weiner
When I was 5 years old, I discovered that the lemon tree in the backyard + dixie cups + water and sugar and I was in business. I have been hooked on that ever since. In 1979, I borrowed $14,000 to create a brand new product... photographic greeting cards with no text on the inside, called Paradise Photography. That was the start of The Illusion Factory. Since then, The Illusion Factory has been entrusted by all of the major studios and broadcasters with the advertising and marketing of over $7 billion in filmed, live, broadcast, gaming, AR, VR and regulated gaming forms of entertainment, generating more than $100 Billion in revenue and 265 awards for creativity and technology for our clients. When I took a break from film school at UCLA to move to Hawaii, my mother did not lecture me. Instead, she took 150 of her favorite aphorisms and in her beautiful calligraphy, wrote them artistically throughout a blank journal. That is the origin of the Lessons from the Mountain series. Since then, on my journeys to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise, I have spent countless hours contemplating words of wisdom from the sages of all races, genders and political persuasions, constantly accumulating the thoughts to guide me on my life path. I hope you enjoy my books. Please let me know your thoughts, as I highly value your feedback!