Don’t force yourself to fit in where you don’t belong.

If you have worked to find your sense of belonging in a certain place and it is not connecting for you and the others around you, is it appropriate to leave?

There is no one correct answer to that question, other than, “it depends.”

If you clearly do not connect and you do not find yourself forced (at the moment) to stay the course, then I would believe that extricating yourself from such an experience would be warranted, and suggested, such that your life may improve in the process.

Humanity is so fractured and specialized, that taking the time to find others who share your thoughts, perspectives and who also have unique thoughts and perspectives of their own, is so important to a happy life. You most certainly do not have to always agree with those with whom you socialize, but you must all always work to be agreeable with one another. The difference is very significant.

There is a raised level of sensitivity in the world to those who do not necessarily see the world through your filters. Their lifestyle, belief system, gender identity, and other factors do not agree with you and they do not agree with the way you perceive the reality should be like.

As a basic tenet, I believe in an utopian view of the circumstance… both parties who are finding their connection to be disagreeable, should work to be more understanding and tolerant of one another, and eventually there will be equilibrium. Hollywood has generated hundreds of billions of dollars on that one theme alone… Two disagreeable people are thrown together in circumstances and must learn to deal with one another. Shane Black and countless other writers have exploited that situation. And in the Hollywood stories, both parties learn about each other and grow.

But as a life practice, it can be excruciating and leaving is the only solution. If you want to belong, you must either find others you belong with, or you must learn to change to be more like whom the others you wish to belong with, are desirous of hanging out with. It really is that simple. Leave or change or do not care if you belong anywhere.

I have found it interesting in business, in particular, when I have found myself in moments where I thought I should belong, but eventually the circumstance taught me something. As I was coming up in the industry, I knew I would never go to that extent to belong again. Like taking a meeting in a cigar bar. If that is the only place a client can meet, I do not need the relationship. Like grimacing while your client calls his executive assistant into the office so he can tell a joke that would make a sailor blush. Like being bombarded through an entire lunch with dogma that is very hard to swallow.

As these and other circumstances play out, I know I am in one of them, and my black belt training kicks in and forces me to stay chill long enough to make it through this one encounter. Then I set my boundaries and never let it happen again. The prospect of having to stay chill while it is happening is one of the greatest of all business lessons. Not all judgment requires sharing. If you judge that the situation is wrong for you, then stay chill, mature in the process and grow.

Happy Saturday and last day of 2022!

Please follow and like us:
Pin Share
Written by Brian Weiner
When I was 5 years old, I discovered that the lemon tree in the backyard + dixie cups + water and sugar and I was in business. I have been hooked on that ever since. In 1979, I borrowed $14,000 to create a brand new product... photographic greeting cards with no text on the inside, called Paradise Photography. That was the start of The Illusion Factory. Since then, The Illusion Factory has been entrusted by all of the major studios and broadcasters with the advertising and marketing of over $7 billion in filmed, live, broadcast, gaming, AR, VR and regulated gaming forms of entertainment, generating more than $100 Billion in revenue and 265 awards for creativity and technology for our clients. When I took a break from film school at UCLA to move to Hawaii, my mother did not lecture me. Instead, she took 150 of her favorite aphorisms and in her beautiful calligraphy, wrote them artistically throughout a blank journal. That is the origin of the Lessons from the Mountain series. Since then, on my journeys to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise, I have spent countless hours contemplating words of wisdom from the sages of all races, genders and political persuasions, constantly accumulating the thoughts to guide me on my life path. I hope you enjoy my books. Please let me know your thoughts, as I highly value your feedback!