Feelings are just visitors… let them come and go.
Feelings are just visitors… let them come and go.
Do you feel like you did last night? How about the way you felt last week? Or the way you felt last month? Feelings can be as fleeting as time. They are transient visitors which inhabit our deepest psyche for intermittent periods of time, at best. Regardless of which side of the spectrum the feelings originate, they will only resonate for whatever duration they are able to inhabit your inner being before they are disrupted by other feelings.
Sometimes we are so caught in our inner turmoil, it would appear as if whatever feelings are torturing us at that particular moment will take up permanent residence within. But that is seldom, if ever, the case. Eventually, time allows our healing or our elation to subside in favor of new emotions that are likely to replace all that we thought was permanent at an earlier moment.
Part of this is natural. The feelings are fully capable of coming and going but there is a part of us that leverages our memory to reconstruct feelings that may well have already subsided and vacated the premises. Sometimes we are in a pattern where all we know is the negative feeling and we rekindle it because it takes us to a known place, which even in its negativity is comforting because it is known.
But is that really the wise option?
Ted Lasso always says, “Be the goldfish.”
A goldfish (according to the writers of the show) has the shortest memory span. Presumably it is about 10 minutes. In the show, the point made is to be like the goldfish. Let go of the memories/ideas that are clinging with negativity and accelerate past them.
As we become skilled at enabling ourselves to stop replaying the videos in our mind that conjure the negative feelings from which we wish to escape, we empower ourselves to free up the headspace in order that we might move on with our day and enjoy the unique qualities that that particular afternoon will bring. It is our hope and expectation that by releasing any negative attraction to the discord that gave birth to those unwanted feelings, we are freeing our mind to embrace all that is fresh and new and exhilarating.
Have you ever been in an argument in which you have written a text or email to the other party and perhaps they have responded? Have you ever felt yourself wanting to go back and reread that correspondence again (and perhaps again?) I have fallen victim to that behavior on more than one occasion. I know better now. First, I write the correspondence I would have sent, then I email it to myself so that I can feel the visceral feeling of having pushed the send button. Then, when it arrives in my in box, I might read it one last time, then I delete it and erase it, along with any correspondence from the other side, so my temptation to revisit those negative feelings is eliminated. Such a small effort with such a large reward.
By far, the better tactic is to catch yourself at the outset of such a discussion and terminate the original discussion in its tracks. If the conversation or communication is going astray, be the wiser of the two and politely extricate yourself from the conversation in the most tactful of ways. Negative communication is a ball and chain that only slows you way down.
Feelings truly are just visitors. When you have the ones that you cherish, invite them to stay for as long as your mind and your being is capable and willing to facilitate…. Then recognize that even the good ones are going to disappear and free you to discover additional good ones to celebrate in their place.
Happy Wednesday!
Leave a Comment