Have a good heart and healthy boundaries. Otherwise, your life is for everyone else and you lose yourself. Kindness is everything, but setting limits allows you to remain true to who you are.

Have a good heart and healthy boundaries. Otherwise, your life is for everyone else and you lose yourself. Kindness is everything, but setting limits allows you to remain true to who you are.

Do you set proper limits in your relationship with other people?

When is it appropriate to set boundaries? 

If you are a truly giving person, and you are always willing to be giving of yourself, you may find yourself continually being imposed upon by those who sense this quality within you. 

In many cases, they are not doing this with malice in their heart, but rather blindness to what is an appropriate boundary between a favor and a genuine imposition. 

If you are cognizant of the fact that this is a variable in your life that gets exploited, you might be well served to come to terms with this sooner than later, and to learn specific communication that makes it clear to the other party, the disparity between what they think is reasonable, and what you are willing to offer. 

There is a tremendous amount of tact and diplomacy required in communicating such a determination, but failing to do this leads you to continually servicing the needs of others far above and beyond servicing those of your own. 

One of the most useful ways of quantifying a circumstantial request like this, is to reply to the request with a modified response to what they were seeking. For example, if you are being asked to do something that is eggregious, you may reply warmly with a kind offer to do a segment of what they were looking for, but not all of it. 

In fact, especially if you feel that a chunk of what they are asking of you, is elements that they, themselves, could produce, you might respond with, “I would be willing to do this part of what you’ve asked, but you would need to complete the equation by doing this this, and this yourself.” 

It may take them by surprise, if you were previously always willing to acquiesce and just suck it up and do it, but unless it is within the parameters of your employment, or your known, and previously agreed-upon relationship with those people, there is no shame in being forthright about boundaries. 

In fact, it becomes absolutely essential with certain people, or within a period of time, they will continue to expand their requests of you, because you are always willing to get things accomplished for them. 

You may not win as many friends or influence as many people, as you might, by always being agreeable when these requests are tendered, but at a minimum, you are regaining a segment of your life, which can never be replaced. 

If you stay aware of these distinctions in your day-to-day regimen, you will discover that there are regular places in which others are leaving more on your plate than should normally be there, and with that knowledge you can work to update and upgrade your existence through a continuous willingness to stay clear in your communication and ensure that others are willing to respect your boundaries. 

Happy Sunday!


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Written by Brian Weiner
When I was 5 years old, I discovered that the lemon tree in the backyard + dixie cups + water and sugar and I was in business. I have been hooked on that ever since. In 1979, I borrowed $14,000 to create a brand new product... photographic greeting cards with no text on the inside, called Paradise Photography. That was the start of The Illusion Factory. Since then, The Illusion Factory has been entrusted by all of the major studios and broadcasters with the advertising and marketing of over $7 billion in filmed, live, broadcast, gaming, AR, VR and regulated gaming forms of entertainment, generating more than $100 Billion in revenue and 265 awards for creativity and technology for our clients. When I took a break from film school at UCLA to move to Hawaii, my mother did not lecture me. Instead, she took 150 of her favorite aphorisms and in her beautiful calligraphy, wrote them artistically throughout a blank journal. That is the origin of the Lessons from the Mountain series. Since then, on my journeys to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise, I have spent countless hours contemplating words of wisdom from the sages of all races, genders and political persuasions, constantly accumulating the thoughts to guide me on my life path. I hope you enjoy my books. Please let me know your thoughts, as I highly value your feedback!