If people don’t make an effort to be in your life, don’t try so hard to be in theirs. It’s not worth it.

If people don’t make an effort to be in your life, don’t try so hard to be in theirs. It’s not worth it.

We all have gone an extra mile for someone in our world with whom we wish to develop a deeper relationship, be it personal or professional. 

In this time, we exert energy trying to make the circumstances “perfect” so that the other party might adopt a more favorable impression and thereby grow a deeper attachment, need or desire to engage.

In almost every circumstance in which this transpires, there is an imbalance in the dynamic between both parties that is usually unlikely to cure through any traditional approach, and even less likely through nontraditional approaches.

When we find ourselves working to make everything “just so” and the other party is still not in balance with the equation, we are almost certainly destined for failure. It may begin to evolve in the right direction at first, but usually, without exception, the imbalance at the outset gives way to the final chapter, which is not the vision that we are expecting, having gone the extra mile to make such a relationship work.

There is an internal delusion that we are more than likely casting that says, “if I go to this effort, they will recognize this and their perspective will change.” So we expend the effort to win a client, friend or lover with high expectation of a victorious outcome.

So why is it that in most cases, it does not pan out?

I believe there are internal dynamics that generate balance at the outset of such a relationship. If the other party is not valuing you on par with the way that you value them, then what is going to ultimately make them value you on the level that you expect?

If you believe that it is the things you will do, the things that you might say, or the opportunities that you expect to provide, you are more than likely missing a bigger picture as to why there is an imbalance in the first place.

It may be considerably more prudent to size up the situation from the outset and see it for what it truly is and then recognize from prior experiences what your probable outcome will be.

In doing this, we are more grounded, standing on a firm foundation of understanding, paired with a realistic appraisal of the situation. 

Is all of this to say that it is not valuable to go the extra mile to try to bring the right relationship to fruition? Not at all.

But it is to say that we are most wise to see circumstances for what they truly are and when the reality is plain as day, any form of delusion to the contrary is wasting time and energy. In which case, our time, energy and expenditures are best focused on other efforts than trying to win a battle or relationship that cannot be won.

Happy Sunday!

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Written by Brian Weiner
When I was 5 years old, I discovered that the lemon tree in the backyard + dixie cups + water and sugar and I was in business. I have been hooked on that ever since. In 1979, I borrowed $14,000 to create a brand new product... photographic greeting cards with no text on the inside, called Paradise Photography. That was the start of The Illusion Factory. Since then, The Illusion Factory has been entrusted by all of the major studios and broadcasters with the advertising and marketing of over $7 billion in filmed, live, broadcast, gaming, AR, VR and regulated gaming forms of entertainment, generating more than $100 Billion in revenue and 265 awards for creativity and technology for our clients. When I took a break from film school at UCLA to move to Hawaii, my mother did not lecture me. Instead, she took 150 of her favorite aphorisms and in her beautiful calligraphy, wrote them artistically throughout a blank journal. That is the origin of the Lessons from the Mountain series. Since then, on my journeys to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise, I have spent countless hours contemplating words of wisdom from the sages of all races, genders and political persuasions, constantly accumulating the thoughts to guide me on my life path. I hope you enjoy my books. Please let me know your thoughts, as I highly value your feedback!