If you avoid the conflict to keep the peace, you create a war inside yourself.
If you avoid the conflict to keep the peace, you create a war inside yourself.
Have you ever found yourself right at the tipping point?
There will arise something in your world that triggers a reaction inside of you that gives you cause or reason to wish to make the other party know exactly how that stimuli made you feel. But you will suppress it instead.
What happens? You find yourself running through massive turmoil, and in that process, you start feeling all sorts of negative emotions for stifling your response.
Yet, the reality is, you are better served in the majority of cases, to leave all of that conflict alone, and to just walk away.
A good measure of how impactful that experience is, is easily measured by the amount of time that we find ourselves chewing over all of the things that we might have said.
More important, is the self-control that we are able to exert to maintain our sanity and to illuminate, then negate, any cause or reason for further engagement with the party or circumstance that has triggered this significant reaction within us.
I believe that maintaining self control is one of the most difficult and most rewarding attributes that we can mature into, day by day, year by year. Self-control keeps us from saying or doing or acting out in any way that we might regret, at a later point in time. Instead, with each and every moment that passes, in which we have not generated any kind of an emotional reaction, we get stronger.
Conversely, there is the party that created this turmoil in your life. There may be a continuous requirement to either see or engage with that party in many circumstances. When those circumstances arise, every opportunity that we have to remain completely impassive, is another moment that we are not giving that other party any satisfaction of seeing how or why something they may have said or done to us is causing a reaction within us, that they might be desirous of enjoying.
In my lifetime, I have encountered several sadistic personalities that were enjoying owning a piece of property in my head. As I would watch things that they might say, paired with the internal reaction that they gave me cause to feel, I finally put together that they were fully enjoying the anguish that they might be able to to cause me by saying or doing something.
Simultaneously, I understood that I also owned a piece of real estate inside their mind, that craved this response in me. Every time they tried to generate a stimuli of any kind, I made it a point to show zero reaction. The more that I ignored everything that they were doing, the harder they tried to create the next stimuli, until eventually they gave up because they realized I was impervious to the stupidity that they were trying to inflict. It’s important to recognize when there is an outside party who is preying upon you and when you see the truth for what it is, the next step is to extinguish them from your mind, and move on.
Happy Tuesday!
https://brianweiner.com
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