Approximately 38 years ago, my wife and I started trying to have a child. This led us to a 10 year quest of trying everything under the sun to make this happen and yet, at the end of 10 years and countless excruciating procedures that my wife had to endure, we were left with the knowledge that it just was not going to happen.
Even as I try today to briefly reflect on the topic, I can still transport back into that vast wasteland of hopelessness and despair that we were drowning in.
When we turned our focus to adoption, we were presented perhaps the most difficult questionnaire we had ever had to answer. Questions asking whether you would be willing to accept a baby with any one of the possible birth defects or other issues. Coming from a place of despair and having to answer each question specific to each potential birth defect was as heart wrenching as it gets.
In our training to become adoptive parents, we were put through a program that really got us in tune with what the experience was for a selfless birth mother and birth father who were willing to entrust their child with adoptive parents. That all by itself was a very significant growth process. Having spent a decade wanting desperately to become a dad, I could not fathom how a parent could be capable of the emotions they would experience in giving their child up for adoption. It was all beyond overwhelming.
My wife wanted to be a mother more than anything on planet earth and I wanted so desperately to find a way to make that come true for her. And then, one day we got a call from the adoption agency and told that there was a birth couple that had chosen us to raise their child and they wanted to meet us because they were going to give birth in 12 days.
The intense range of emotions, fears, trepidations, hopes, anxieties will never be aptly captured in words. It was so larger than life.
28 years ago today, my biggest dream came true. Chris was born without complication and after spending a night with the birth couple in the hospital, we were there when Chris was born.
I have been asked more times than I can count whether or not I miss having my own biological child. I always recognize that this question is asked in innocence and does not bear a stigma in the statement.
The true answer to the question is that Chris was born in our collective hearts long before he came on the planet earth and we could not love another human being more under any other circumstance, ever.
Being a parent is the toughest job you’ll ever love. It comes with so many chapters, experiences, fears, anxieties, hopes, elations, and tremendous joy.
Coming full circle back to the aphorism from Wayne Dyer above, abundance is something that you tune into. That may sound far too esoteric for most people, but I believe with all of my heart that this is so. I believe that Debbie and I manifested Chris into our world by putting all of our love energy into attracting him.
I started making these aphorisms years ago because you can only put one real thought into someone’s mind on a daily basis if you want long deep lessons to sink in. I started making them to send to him one per day but at this point I’m not sure if he even reads them anymore. At 28, he’s probably had too much exposure to all of my lessons. But I continue nonetheless…hoping every once in a while one of them continues to settle in.
Happy birthday Chris❤️