When is an apology insufficient to quell the issue?

All relationships, personal and professional, come with a price tag.

The price expended for such, is most usually measured in time.

Through the time we spend on any relationship, we are investing. The investment may be invested for numerous motivations, but at the end of the day, the more we expend towards something, the greater the expectation we have that it will pay off for us in countless ways.

While we are making such an investment, we come to expect certain rewards for that expenditure. Those rewards are equally diverse in their substance, but whether the rewards are apparent and obvious, or subtle and only we can explain them, they are the reason why we are willing to put forth our energy towards such.

What happens when we are making this investment and the reward is not forthcoming, as expected?

In some cases, that answer is so nebulous, as to defy a true definition. We make choices predicated upon what we believe are reasonable expectations. Sometimes those expectations are based on substantive facts, and other times, we are saddened to discover that we were completely offbase in our assessment of what we were hoping to receive. That is the nature of life.

In many cases, we have every reason to believe that someone will act in accord with our projected expectations of them. This may be based on accurate facts, direct assertions or promises made by them, upon which you may hope to rely.

It is a sad experience to awaken to the reality that they are not either willing or capable of performing as they may have stated. In that moment, we are left in a quiet zone of choice. Our choices may be to either understand the extenuating circumstances which have caused them to not act or behave as expected… or we may instead, have to come to the realization that they are either not willing or not capable of engaging with you as you might have hoped.

What then?

Here is the moment of soul searching. Predicated upon the myriad variables that may have caused that circumstance to transpire, we must dig within and decide whether it is excusable and forgivable, or it is not.

When we evaluate all aspects of our relationship dynamics with the other party, we must search our soul for an answer. In many cases, we brush it off and let it go.

But if the transgression is too far astray from that upon which we have relied, there unquestionably comes a time when we must own our feelings and respond in a manner that makes it clear that this breach of faith, confidence or promise was not acceptable.

When we come to that intersection, we are left with countless possible replies.

Make absolutely certain that the reply you opt to provide, is one that will deliver you the long term outcome you are most desirous of achieving, or your blurted out response may come back to haunt you for years to come.

Happy Sunday!

https://brianweiner.com

It’s not coming. Ever. 

It doesn’t matter how much it is due. Nor does it matter how much you deserve it.

So get over it. Let it go.

Almost everyone will let you down at some point. The mark of a good friendship is how two friends reconcile that moment.

In the circumstances where one of the two parties is bigger than the incident, that party is usually capable of coming back metaphorically to the table and apologizing.

But a lot of circumstances are more likely to end unceremoniously, leaving the aggrieved party feeling injured, disappointed and hurt.

And when you are that aggrieved party, you are left with one of two choices when you get past the initial shock and insult. Your first option is to allow a relationship that might actually have lots of value beyond the current circumstance to collapse in a moment of anger.  It is certainly a probable outcome and depending upon the scope of the injury, perhaps the only choice that makes sense.

But there is an alternate choice. In that choice, we are more willing to try and see what the other party was going through or thinking or motivated by in order that we might try and rationalize the choice that they made that we found so insulting. And whether or not we see the circumstance through the same filters as they do, we are still able to just let it go. This can happen with an outcome in which you reconcile with the other person or it can also happen in an outcome where you don’t reconcile but you do not harbor that intense longing for them to make it right by apologizing. Some people just don’t have that skillset. And they never will.

If you do not learn this lesson, you can destroy a portion of your own life hoping, waiting, expecting and even, demanding an apology that is not forthcoming. What do you gain by taking this tactic?

So it is far more evolved to get to the stage where you are capable of owning your mistake with another party, taking responsibility and apologizing. 

For truly, an apology is the best way to have the last word.

Happy Saturday!