Before going to sleep every night, forgive everyone and sleep with a clean heart.
As an aphorism, I believe wholeheartedly in the concept, as a practice, I find there are shades of grey in my life that define how far down this experience I am able to truly travel. As the son of an attorney, and an advertising executive, I am trained to avoid absolutes. Once you qualify something in an absolute, it eliminates any possible exception to what is being expressed. In this case, the absolute is “everyone.” I do not have the deepest of zen qualities to find forgiveness for Putin in my heart now, or ever. Going a few shades of grey away from the abhorrent qualities of Putin, there are countless others on planet Earth, many of whom occupy high office in the United States, whom I do not think I can find any forgiveness in my heart.
Stripping the absolute out of the statement, I find tremendous value in this particular frame of thought. I am a firm believer that you should never go to bed mad at another, if at all possible. Finding a discussion to get to some common ground and release the pent up aggression you feel, is much healthier for both parties and is a faster ticket to a long term success in those relationships than sitting atop unresolved issues and allowing them to simmer.
I have done both in my life. I have worked diligently to resolve anger and in other cases, it was not going to resolve, and those are the nights of fitful sleep, tossing and turning and allowing my subconscious to wrestle with those emotions all through the night.
In a spousal relationship, I believe it is imperative for both parties to make a pact that this is a rule in the relationship. Don’t go to bed mad at one another. Find some common ground to discuss the issue, contemplate alternate solutions, acquiesce to their requests (when possible) and work your best to find a state of harmony in the relationship that both parties can embrace and count on.
People are not perfect. I most certainly am far from perfect, and I am willing to venture a guess that this would apply to you as well. If each of us have these imperfections, then to stay on edge regarding those of another is only looking at them through the prism of your own perspective. Allowing for the possibility that your perspective may be flawed is a good starting point from which to base your forgiveness. Perfection is in most cases, subjective, and as a result, may not yield a positive outcome when projected onto another person. Your subjective perspective on whether they are perfect is irrelevant to them. They may care about your opinion, but your perspective as to whether or not they are perfect, is truly immaterial to whether or not they are working on being the very best that they may become.
We only have so many trips around the sun in which to grow, learn, improve and achieve some levels of stasis that make our lives fulfilled. Wasting even a minute of your life on issues that you are not going to be able to fix is just that, a waste. Far better (I think) to get to a calm place of acceptance. A place in which you are at one with the world around you, you are at peace with the variables that you cannot control, and you are content with the elements in your life that you have and will continue to manifest. Only then will you find the peace and harmony that everyone speaks about.
The next time your head hits the pillow, and you are feeling unsettled, try asking yourself one basic question…. What benefit do I garner by continuing to hold onto these emotions as I head off to slumber? When you come to the inevitable conclusion (there is no benefit), then just let it go. Forgive them for being the imperfect being that they are, and appreciate all of the value that they bring to you.
You will find your blood pressure decrease as your anxiety abates.
And in the end, is this not what we really crave in life? A chance to decrease stress and increase pleasure?
Happy Thursday!
