The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. 


Have you ever taken the time to fully express yourself to another party only to discover that there was a complete disconnect at the end of the conversation?

When this happens, we are left shrugging our shoulders, wondering how it was so impossible for the other party to actually hear and understand what we were trying to say.

The art of powerful communication is a skill that may be continuously improved upon if one so desires. Part of it is the proper choice of words, part of it is intonation, another part is timing and a fourth component is being genuine and using honest emotion as part of the communication. If the communication is happening face-to-face, nonverbal body language is extremely important because it is communicating all sorts of things that the other party picks up on, whether they are aware of this or not.

Tone of voice is one of the core components. We have all watched actors deliver lines with different tonality, emoting entirely different feelings, predicated upon how the other party perceives what has just been communicated. Speaking with a smile is equally important. Even if you are not face-to-face a smile is heard in the tone of voice.

A person may come to a conversation predisposed to seek a specific outcome, regardless of anything that is going to be communicated. People more often find what they are seeking than the actual truth. This is one of the core impedances of honest communication. If you are predisposed to only hearing what you want to find out, you will discover that it is very easy to overlook what is genuinely being communicated to you. Going into a conversation with an honest heart and an open mind, facilitates a much greater likelihood of connectivity through the communication.

So if you expend genuine energy trying to find the proper commonality between yourself and another party and get to the end of the discussion only to discover that all of your efforts are for naught because the other party just does not want to hear what you are trying to express, you are left at a crossroad of trying to determine whether another pass at the conversation might yield a different outcome or whether it is better served to just let it go and walk away.

This can be a painful crossroad to find yourself that, especially if you have an emotional connection to whatever topic you and the other party are trying to sort out. Business relationships, personal relationships, and family/parental relationships can all find themselves at this juncture at some point or another. It is stressful to try and find common ground when the other party is pre-determined not to find it. You may sometimes work extra length in your efforts to clarify any confusion and resolve any issues to both party’s satisfaction. But at the end of the day, you might still get to the point where you recognize that there is just nothing more left to say. The other party’s mind is made up and once it is made up, you are hard-pressed to find any way to change that. It can be incredibly disappointing, emotionally debilitating and financially catastrophic.

Given that those kinds of outcomes are potentially waiting in the wings, it is incredibly important to master the art of language and effective communication, so as to minimize the role you might play in having a disconnect in any kind of communication that might have been resolved had the communication tactics been more appropriately utilized.

No one wishes to expend time communicating only to discover it was a giant waste of time. And no one wants to feel as if they have expressed themselves to someone who still does not understand what they are trying to say. 

Making the time to be certain can save a lot of hardship down the road. Happy Sunday!

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Written by Brian Weiner
When I was 5 years old, I discovered that the lemon tree in the backyard + dixie cups + water and sugar and I was in business. I have been hooked on that ever since. In 1979, I borrowed $14,000 to create a brand new product... photographic greeting cards with no text on the inside, called Paradise Photography. That was the start of The Illusion Factory. Since then, The Illusion Factory has been entrusted by all of the major studios and broadcasters with the advertising and marketing of over $7 billion in filmed, live, broadcast, gaming, AR, VR and regulated gaming forms of entertainment, generating more than $100 Billion in revenue and 265 awards for creativity and technology for our clients. When I took a break from film school at UCLA to move to Hawaii, my mother did not lecture me. Instead, she took 150 of her favorite aphorisms and in her beautiful calligraphy, wrote them artistically throughout a blank journal. That is the origin of the Lessons from the Mountain series. Since then, on my journeys to the top of a mountain to watch the sunrise, I have spent countless hours contemplating words of wisdom from the sages of all races, genders and political persuasions, constantly accumulating the thoughts to guide me on my life path. I hope you enjoy my books. Please let me know your thoughts, as I highly value your feedback!